06

    felix takes 30 pills. felix types ‘22:42 : 450mg’. felix closes his window, passes the empty room, closes the kitchen window. felix opens the fridge, stares at the rows of clear plastic water bottles, clicks ‘select’. returns to his room.
    felix messages nat, types ‘450mg’, sees ‘...’, sees ‘me: 0mg’. sees ‘whos story is this’, sees ‘i feel like just a side character’. types ‘the protagonist is god.’ felix clicks ‘bookmarks’, scrolls, clicks ‘deep sea abyssal plains hidden ost megamix’, clicks triangle, watches the orange bars glitch across the wall, watches the orange bars congeal, watches time congeal, watches time cube itself, watches time swell into the gridded boundary of the universe (his room), watches time swiss cheese itself into cubelets. felix sees chunks of history plop to the floor, sees felix and napoleon eating pancakes at a waffle house on titan. felix types, clicks ‘search’, clicks, scrolls, sees an image of a man in a labcoat, sees ‘anders yi’, presses his eyes, sees ‘albert pi’, presses his eyes, sees time mixing like meat and oxygen, clicks, clicks ‘why’, clicks, sees ‘worldline festering in vacuum’, sees his fingers moving. felix opens the window, closes the window, leaves his room and returns with 4 clear plastic water bottles. felix types ‘24 hour costco’, felix types ‘aquarium rpg’, felix types download, clicks his eyes, clicks ‘download’. felix messages nat, sees nothing. felix opens a new tab, opens a new tab, opens a new tab, opens a new tab, opens a new tab, opens a new tab, sees ‘supercompute worldline into absolute axiom’, sees ‘felix’, sees his fingers moving.

    ‘languidly’ felix thinks, ‘the sun has risen’. ‘languidly’ he thinks, ‘coaxing intimations into pathways for betterment’; felix stares at the wall, stares into the orange bars, defines betterment as ‘feeling better’. felix stares into the orange bars, feels. felix forgets how he feels the moment he stops feeling it. each apparition of felix chases the iteration of the next, ignores its own dissolution, sucks at the subsequent member. felix’s apparate snakes through his memories, replaces itself at indeterminable intervals, buckles under the strain of itself. felix thinks there is a gravitational force acting on his selfhood, on felixes. felix thinks, ‘the source of me(s) exists in the future, is a supermassive object pulling me(s) towards it, towards a molten core.
    felix clicks ‘felix’, types ‘the composition of me in this moment withstands the weight of me(s) prior. where gravity is strongest so is my apparate, forced as it will be to sustain the weight of its accumulations.’ felix wonders how many instances of itself his body can withstand. felix gets up from his chair, drifts across the room. felix falls, falls backwards, hurtles endlessly through himself, plunges into bed, collapses into felix, leaving a light trail suspended in the orange sunlight. ‘languidly’, he thinks, felixes become felix.